Find yourself as you shape another being

Parenting : the greatest giveback to society

I was narrating an incident from my childhood to my daughter the other day, and she could not reconcile what I am today with what I was then.

I told her that every major event in my life has evolved me, eventually shaping me into the person I am today. What I was when I was raised by my parents; what I became when I started contributing to the economy as an IT engineer; my role as a wife; and then as a mother; and now that I am an author (published my first book in 2024) - they are all progressively upgraded versions of ME. The eternally inquisitive teenager piped up - “So which was the phase that changed you the most?” My response - “Being a mother was the most transformative part of my life”, satisfied her and she actually thanked me!

Photo by Olivia Anne Snyder on Unsplash

It is true - becoming a parent and being responsible for another human being(s), deepens one’s purpose in life. Having a tiny scrap of humanity dependent on you for all its physical, mental and emotional needs is a huge responsibility. Losing your identity, privacy, freedom, and sometimes even sanity, is the price you pay for this experience, and it changes you forever.

Parenting is not just about looking after your kid(s), but also about discovering your own triggers and blind spots, and course-correcting along the way, which eventually makes you a better version of yourself. Our relationship with our children is not just limited to them; it encompasses their teachers, friends, significant others, and their children. When we bring them into our lives, we have to accept them with all of this - it’s not an easy road to traverse. There is constant give and take at every turn - through childhood, adolescence and adulthood. And there is the eternal dilemma between turning them into our replicas versus finding their own identity, independent of us.

There is so much heartache, but oh, also such heart-warming happiness! To pass on the family’s legacy to them in terms of values, etiquette, wisdom and wealth, and watch it propagate to future generations and society at large - is a privilege indeed. To support them in their time of need, without making them dependent on us, is a fine balancing act demanding courage. To embrace a life without them, when they are grown up and do not need or heed us, requires another level of resilience. Patience and sacrifice are virtues one truly gains only through parenting.

There is a rising global trend to not have kids today, but believe me, this is not the solution to whatever problem they are trying to address. Raise at least one child, even if it’s not biologically yours, to experience the joys of parenting and discover the person you were meant to become. Raise them consciously, not through delegation. There is no better witness to your metamorphosis on this planet than the child you have raised, and no harsher critic either! They absorb and retain every word and action of yours - for them, their parents are their world. Life is not in anyone’s control, but we can surely ensure to leave them with some happy and healthy memories, a piece of us that they can hold onto in their tumultuous lives, especially during the rollercoaster phase of parenting :)

Giving a well-adjusted and healthy adult to the society is indeed the greatest payback!